days like today

Days like today, I don't think I am going make it. Court barely napped all day and in the evening, C & A both alternate acting up screaming and crying.

Days like today, I wonder what happened to the fun loving goal driven woman that I was years ago, and miss her.

Days like today, gets me so depressed as to what am I doing and whether I even know what I'm doing.

Days like today, I really don't know what I'm doing anymore.



In the midst of my meltdown trying to calm the hysterical and tired baby by feeding her and try to tell Ash that I can't play with her, she ended up walking up to me. She held out a book...

"Mommy, read to me?"
"Ok" I sighed with a pounding headache trying to hang on by a string...
"Someday"
"One day I counted your fingers and kissed each one.
One day the first snowflakes fell, and I held you up and watched them melt on your baby skin.
One day we crossed the street, and you held my hand tight.
Then, you were my baby, and now you are my child.
Sometimes, when you sleep, I watch you dream, and I dream too...
(blah blah blah - I don't want to quote the whole book)
Someday I will stand on this porch and watch your arms waving to me until I no longer see you.
Someday you will look at this house and wonder how something that feels so big can look so small.
Someday you will feel a small weight against your strong back.
Someday I will watch you brushing your child's hair.
Someday, a long time from now, your own hair will glow silver in the sun.
And when that day comes, love, you will remember me." (by alison mcghee and peter h. reynolds)

By then I was still lost but in tears...