What would you say to a 4 year old that told you that 'so-and-so' thinks she's stupid?
Oh yeah, I have to have one of those conversations yesterday.
Ash came up to me and told me that a certain hostile incident that had happened and that a certain person thinks she's stupid. Which in turn made her feel stupid.
There I was watching my little girl's feelings get hurt and me - eyes started to well up. I summoned up my brave face and said...
"Honey, you are a very smart girl. Don't let (insert so-and-so's name) make you think you are not smart. You are smart. People that make you feel bad about yourself don't know what they are doing or saying."
"Uh huh..." She was now near tears...
"Oh sweetheart ..." I said as I tried to fight back my own tears.
"Honey, do you think Mommy is smart?"
"Uh huh."
"Do you think Mommy will think that Mommy is stupid if anyone tells me so?" (Ok, so I'm lying abit to make my point.)
"No..."
"Then next time if something like that happens, just think of Mommy. You are smart and don't let anyone tell you anything else."
"Ok..." (At this point, I was losing her attention.)
She sensed that my 'talk' was done and ran off to play.
I realized yesterday that I'm not just my daughters' Mother, their friend, but also their model into becoming a self confident woman. Did I handle the situation correctly? How can I handle situations like this better in the future?
What did you do to become a better parent and role model to your kids? What would you say in my position?
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4 comments:
You did a fine job!It's kind of hard to imagine a hypothetical situation until it becomes a real situation.
Bottom line, kids (like adults) can be mean to each other. Sometimes it's harder for us to deal with than our kids. Her skin will thicken, and she will become aware of her strengths--especially with a mom like you to show her the way.
I think you handled it great.
My older girl has been told a few things. I ask her is she really believes what the person says. She never really does but if she does, I point out that I disagree and then I ask her who she thinks knows better--mom or this 'friend'.
I also remind her how much the words hurt her so she doesn't say it to someone. I then tell her she is a child of God and perfect in His eyes and to remember that the next time someone says something to her.
Sadly it gets worse as they get older :(
Yes, my kids (I teach fifth grade) are starting the spring ritual of using unkind names. It breaks my heart. God's too, I am certain of that.
And someday, some kids, choose their friends' opinions over Mom's, so work with them now while you are the strong, smart one, and they will always stick with you.
Oh, what a tough situation! Your poor little girl. I think you handled it well. Maybe during the next few days you can make some obviously incorrect statements (eg The sky sure is a pretty green today!) and when your daughter questions you it will be a good teaching opportunity that not everything you hear is true. And pray for your daughter's discernment to increase. Even at that age the Holy Spirit can be at work!
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