speechless

Have ya'll watch the movie You've got mail? Maybe you have, maybe you haven't, or maybe you have not memorize the scenes like I have. (Oh, hush!)

Anyhow, I think I have watched the movie so many times because I identify with the main character, Kathleen Kelly aka Meg Ryan. Not only do I love her connection with her mother (which I have with my mother and I hope to have with my daughters,) but I especially identify with her inability to express negative feelings towards another when called for.

There was this scene when her main adversary/interest and herself were emailing about how she can't give her enemy her come back to their put downs and how she can't express her negative feelings towards them in person like she would like. She would draw "blanks". *quotes from movie below *

That is me.

When confronted with a negative or direct insult to me or who I am ... I feel angry, I feel hurt, I feel attacked. But most importantly... I drew "blanks."

In the movie, Joe Fox aka Tom Hanks, tells her that when you were able to say exactly what you want to say, "remorse eventually follows." I know that remorse eventually follows, but some parts of me just want to be that quick witted cold hearted 'ahem', just so that I can finally express what I feel inside.

Is that so wrong? What should I do the next time when I get hurt again?

So far, my only solution is to avoid those people at all cost. But I know it's only temporary.

*Here's the quote from the movie*

Joe Fox: [talking via email, to who he doesn’t know is Kathleen Kelly] Have you ever become the worst version of yourself. That a Pandora's box of all the hateful things, your spite, your arrogance, your condescension has sprung open? Someone upsets you and instead of smiling and walking away... you zing them. "Hello it's Mr Nasty". I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about...

Kathleen Kelly: [talking via email, to who she doesn’t know is Joe Fox] No I know exactly what you mean and I'm completely jealous. When I'm confronted by someone I get tongue tied and my mind goes blank. Then I spend the rest of the night tossing and turning over what i should have said. For example what should I have recently said to… [meaning confrontation with Joe]

Kathleen Kelly: …a bottom dweller who recently belittled my existence. [stops and thinks]

Kathleen Kelly: Nothing... even now days later I still can't figured it out...

Joe Fox: Wouldn’t it be great if I could pass all my zingers to you, then I could always be nice and you could be nasty whenever you wanted to be. Although I must warn you... when you eventually have the pleasure of saying the thing you want to say at the moment you’re wanting to say it... remorse eventually follows...

Quotes taken from here.