For some strange reason, Ash has been acting up again lately. Both yesterday and today, we've had her screaming and crying fest. These are the ones that lasts for about 30+ minutes or so ...
A few weeks ago, I had started to approach discipline/punishment for her differently (and time out just simply doesn't work on her anymore.) With just starting my last trimester, I really can no longer take on any more stress. So I started the approach of leaving her on the spot or in another room when she starts to scream and cry and proceeds to tell her ...
'Mommy will not listen or talk to you when you are screaming and crying. Calm down, then come tell me what it is you need.'
Of course, that will lead to more screaming and crying, but I NEED to step away. To leave and regulate my breathing which will regulate my heart beats thus help lower the stress. (I find that doing that in conjunction to distracting myself with something like coloring or stuffing my face helps. :P ) Eventually (and that can be a BIG range in duration) she will come to a whimper or a studder cry which signals to me that she's tired and coming to a pause. Then I will go up to her and repeat what I had told her and add on "are you calming down? are you ready to stop screaming and crying?" That had worked for a week or so now... and last night was the longest hysteria she has had so far.
Has my new approach lead on to longer screaming fest or is it working and she just testing out the new approach to see if I'm really going to stick to it? Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
I guess the whole new approach thing came about because we are a family of 'hard/hot-heads' as I like to call this. We're all a bunch of rocks that refuses to back down and just keeps slamming our heads together when we're pissed. That goes for the entire family, whether it's the 3 year old or the 30-some year olds. There were times where she would go into this trance of hysteria that we as hot-heads will start to scold or yell at her. Which I find extremely stressful and afterwards, immense remorse.
We live in a time where physical punishments are extremely looked down upon so I feel that there is almost no fear in one's parents like we did when we grew up. So what should one do when time outs just simply doesn't work anymore?
I'm telling you, having a child is easy. It's the parenting that'll kill ya.
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4 comments:
i wouldn't want to encourage you to spank your kid - but if you're worried about the possible emotional consequences of spanking, i can stand as testimonial to the fact that kids are pretty resilient. i'm a product of corporate punishment, and i like to think i turned out okay =). though i suppose it can be up for debate.
i think spanking was healthy for me. of course - it never actually hurt. it was just the shock of being spanked that got through that whatever i was doing was not okay.
then again - i think i was super trouble as a kid (and ash is so sweet), so reasoning with me probably had a low effort:return ratio.
oooo, i have a better idea. since mom always has to be the 'bad cop', maybe you should make your husband do it. moms for DECADES have been using the threat "just wait till your father gets home..."
you'll be surprised. she really reminded me of you as a kid. sweet at times but oh so troubled as well. :P
did i meet you when i was little? i don't even remember (go figure).
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