I have always gone with the philosophy of letting your child know what's going to happen before it happens. Like, telling them ahead of time that they will be attending a party or they will have visitor over, and etc.
Lately, Ash has developed a new 'symptom' of complaining of tummy ache and then will be 'sick' for a few hours, then hurls. Miraculously, whenever the event she is 'nervous' about is over - she, also got better.
However, I can't tell which events she chooses to be nervous about. First day of kindergarten - nada. Ate breakfast fine for years, then one day, she decided she became nervous about breakfast. Performing her hip hop routine in class - nada. Now, tonight, she revealed that she is nervous about going to kindergarten class in Sunday School. Why this and not the actual kindergarten? I have no idea.
So, how do I decide what to tell and what not to tell? I wanted to tell my kids ahead of time and no surprises. I guess this started when I realized when Ash was a baby that if I don't tell her about dropping her off at day care or at the nursery at church, she'll flip out the day of during drop off and subsequently developed anxiety and screams bloody every time we go near the 'crime scene.'
What would you do? Should I alter my tactics? Or deal with her nervous symptoms and hope that she'll learn to deal with the anxiety and nervousness? Or am I expecting too much from my 5 year old to deal with the anxiety?
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4 comments:
She actually throws up?
Honestly, I didn't deal with this back then. (Though Mac has anxiety now...) So it would be wrong of me to advise you. Have you spoken with her pediatrician? That seems like the first step.
Hmmmm....I am not sure on this. Maybe just focus on how much fun it is going to be and talk what you will do after the event....ie after your first day of SS, we'll all go out to brunch? maybe this would help?
That's so interesting. I'm a "don't tell until you're pulling up in the parking lot" kinda mom for most things. But I've always thought more about it as a way to avoid disappointment in case stuff doesn't happen.
For the big stuff, like preschool etc..., I'm all about the prep. Heck, I even took Clara on a tour of the place in the dead of summer.
I think the best thing you can do is teach A to talk through her feelings, or maybe draw them, so that she can learn both what makes her anxious, and how to talk her way out of it.
It's not easy. I'm still learning for myself! But you definitely can never start too early!
Welcome back!
I don't have a lot to offer here, but if there is anything you can do to increase the quality of the prep perhaps that would help? Instead of just discussing Sunday School, perhaps you could arrange a playdate with a child who will be in the same class. Then you can emphasize how much fun it will be to see so and so.
Just a thought.
Juice
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