peace

As always, I was having trouble putting my baby Court down to bed. And as usual, I sat down with her on her bed and kept her company in silence as she tries to fall asleep.

"I will not cave in today." I told myself.

I will not cave in to her pleas for me to lay down with her and for her to rest her head on me for comfort - to fall asleep.

So I was strong. I told her very seriously that Mommy is just going to sit here by your bed and we shall do no talking. She tossed and turned and tossed and turned for 15 minutes as I catch up on some reading in the dark (OK, FINE .... I was surfing on my laptop.) Then I heard deep breathing sounds - almost like it was coming from under water.

"Oh good... she's asleep." I thought to myself with a sigh of relieve.

A minute later, that underwater sound started to irk me. Is she sick AGAIN? Good heavens, she had just got over a cold!

I resumed my - ahem - reading. But something was just not sitting well about that sound coming from her. So I closed the said reading material and reached over in the dark trying to find her on the bed.

I found her. Then as I gently touched her head, I realized that do-do bird here buried her face in her blanket - COMPLETELY!

"HOLY SH*T!" I yelled silently in my head and quickly turned her over. In an instant, she resumed her normal silent breathing sounds. I know I was just panicking, but with all those sudden SIDS news you always hear about came rushing back. OK, I know she's not an infant anymore and she's already 2, but as a mother, my thoughts naturally went there.

So I gently laid down on her bed... moved her head to rest on my chest. I sniffed her hair that smelt like the scent of her shampoo mixed with some baby sweat. I felt peace. So what if I let her sleep on me a few more days or weeks? Just like my princess Ash, baby Court will also outgrow wanting to sleep with Mommy or wanting to cuddle with me and rest her head on my chest. I am just going to lay down and enjoy - the scent of my baby's hair, the warmth of her little body next to mine, and her gentle breathing next to my ear.

Peace.